just lookin around

just dropping by, it’s been a while since i last posted on this blog, hopefully when i get the hang of this new life i embraced, i will try to resume my passion for blogging. one more disappointing thing, my desktop is down, looks like my power supply for two years is now demanding a retirement but i dont have the money to replace.

some thoughts of entering the seminary again – it was a joyful entrance and once you’re in, the real work of becoming holy, to learn to die to oneself, and learn to embrace the life of a disciple is but the many challenges you face inside the seminary. to follow jesus is to take one’s cross and learn to journey with your brothers and sisters in love, mercy and forgiveness. this kind of discipleship is not limited or confined with the religious life, it is also asked in married life and single blessedness.

to die to one’s self and embrace love, mercy and forgiveness as jesus told us in the gospels is a lifetime task. others due to its immense power to change one’s life, embraces martyrdom, suffering and even tribulations. but with such a challenge, god never leaves us alone in this fight. we have the holy spirit and communion of our brothers and sisters who, embraced the same ideals, shares their very selves in the service of God’s kingdom.

as i follow christ in the footsteps of john eudes, i constantly revisit this call i heard from god especially in times of great loneliness and burned-out. this is the wellspring where i find rest and security, to realize that god who calls me in this kind of life will always sustain me if only i will be faithful to him. easier said than done, there will be nights and days when you want to cry and look for him and he seems to hide his face, but like a person crazy in love, i constantly call out God’s name and presence, watching and praying..

god, in your great goodness and mercy to me, you called me to this life. i rest my soul to your bosom, heal my sins, cleanse me from my selfishness. grant me the grace to follow you in the world today, that i may serve my brothers and sisters in mercy and compassion, i ask this in jesus, your son and with the holy spirit. amen.

Thirty Sixth :)

Tomorrow, the 9th of the month of May, in the year of the Lord Twenty Fourteen, I will turn Thirty Six. Time flies so fast and somehow it keeps you grounded as you learn to let go and hold on to things you hold dear and detest in life. I remember reading somewhere that hindsight is 20/20. I agree with that, as we age every year, time of recollections and retreats offers an avenue to review what went about and what was. Lessons learned and hopefully we learned something out of it, bad or good.

As I enter my Thirty-Six, I am also facing a new page in my life. I will enter again formation and now with the Eudist Fathers. This opportunity came as a grace from God for a second try to fulfill that innate call I heard to serve Him in the Catholic Church. I am blessed and full of gratitude as I recall the events that lead me to this point. All the while, these past years that I am working, my vocation to the priesthood was but silenced deliberately in my consciousness brought about by past wounds that tend to hurt to the present. But God is gracious and good, the silence I imposed on His call crawled silently on my consciousness and keep on throbbing on my daily life. In the end, I gave in and allowed God to work this time and let the Spirit move and let it guide me where to go and what to do.

The way lead to the Eudist Fathers, where mercy and evangelization was the way of life. They are just new here in the Philippines but full of hope to begin their work where the Spirit of God is sending them. The same Spirit lead me to their gates and after a year of praying and discerning with them, I am now ready to be a candidate and live with the brothers of the community. The next four to five years will be crucial, and I am praying sincerely that I may find God’s will in my life.

I entrust these coming years to the loving mercy of God and Mary, Mother of Mercy. As I form myself in the image of the Good Shepherd, I may find my calling to be a reflection of God’s mercy to all and offer my life as a sacrifice in bringing God’s Kingdom here on earth. With Mary, the model and exemplar of love, faith and hope, may my will be in conformity with Jesus, my Lord and God.


Holy Week Reflection on Mercy

I found this article this morning and somehow it sparked something in me especially this time of the year where we commemorate the Paschal mystery of the suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus. Closely related to my vocation, mercy offers a rich plethora of reflection on God’s love for us and in turn how this beautiful virtue can turn this apathetic world of our modern age into a compassionate and loving one.

Mercy, is not foreign to me. From my childhood, sudden realization of compassion towards others are evident without any effort. Perhaps this was brought about by the subconscious stock of our shared past to view with love and care to those who have less, suffering, or alone. I can still remember my compassionate heart for kittens left alone in the streets and how I tried to save them and bring them home to take care of. Suddenly my mother realized we already have seven or so cats in the house. One experience which left a mark in my heart and being when I was five or six years old and my motherĀ  brought me along to hear mass at Bustillos near Quiapo. I saw a lame man by the gates of the Church, somehow a deep mercy gushed into my consciousness and asked my mother apologetically, ” Why is he suffering, does God doesn’t love him?” My mother as if struck by a lightning, held my hand tight and told me assuringly, “God loves him, God loves us all.” I thought it was my baptism of fire on mercy.

Fast forward, mercy played a special role in my life. I see myself in situations where there’s always an outcast person in our group or where I am positioned and as if instinct, I found it natural to always be near that person, know them, and let them feel that someone listens to their stories, laughs at their jokes and journey with them. Thankfully, God gave them a second chance and some of them found their path towards God.

But there was a time that I myself asked for mercy from others which I did not receive because laws and regulations are far more important than human persons. This somehow rattled my Faith and asked God why? I rebelled and turned my back and tried to sort my way. During those times, I was alone and I left God at bay. But God’s mercy is persistent. The wound it left in my being somehow healed and the scar became a source of recollection of how God has been gracious to me despite my unworthiness, brokenness, and sinfulness. In that darkness, I hear God’s call to come back and repent. My tears was my bread as I sour-grape on the seemingly numbness of others and how God permitted such situations.

But God is good, all the time! as I realize things over time, I learned to forgive and let go. I realized that every person has the same capacity towards love and hate and his choice and will plays a greater role in choosing this in all his actions. I learned to forgive those who caused pain and hurt me. This time around, my wound was the source of greater love which I didn’t know I am capable of.

In a month’s time, I will enter the seminary, a congregation that somewhat professionals of mercy-giving; mercy-ing per the above article. I learned from them early on that mercy is a fourfold action of the human person and the grace of God. Th unction or feeling of mercy we feel innate should move from thought, will and action. This is not possible unless we ask God to grant us the grace and courage to be merciful. Somehow, I thought this is what we lack in the modern age right now. The courage to act in the spirit of merciful love. Thanks be to God for a modern example in the life of Mother Theresa of Calcutta, the par excellence of mercy and love in our times.

This Holy Week, let us pray to God, that in our experience of His mercy and love, grant us the same grace and courage to give all to others. That in sharing our mercy, others may experience the love and mercy of God.

Have a blessed Holy week.